


the wells of silence

by thisissirius



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Shannon Diaz, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29965827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: Eddie opens the door and he looks awful; his eyes are red, clothes rumpled where he's obviously been sleeping, and he doesn't meet Buck's eyes."Eddie," Buck says, for a moment at a loss. "What do you need?"post 2x17
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 262





	the wells of silence

**Author's Note:**

> writing out my feelings, as per.

Eddie opens the door and he looks awful; his eyes are red, clothes rumpled where he's obviously been sleeping, and he doesn't meet Buck's eyes.

"Eddie," Buck says, for a moment at a loss. "What do you need?"

There's a long silence. Eddie rubs at his face, looking upset, and then he sighs. “I don’t know.”

Buck worries he's gonna get something wrong here, but shoves the feelings down. This is Eddie, his best friend, and he knows exactly what to do, what Eddie needs. "You need something to eat?"

"No," Eddie says, and his voice is raw, as though he's been screaming, or crying, for hours. "But Chris needs to eat."

Buck nods. "I can make something."

Finally, Eddie looks at him. There's a wealth of emotion there that Buck doesn't want to untangle. Well, he does, but it's Eddie's choice to tell him. "I don't know what to say to him."

Closing the door behind him, Buck toes off his sneakers. Eddie stares at his feet, brow wrinkled. "Hey," Buck says, gripping Eddie's arms. "You'll find the words."

Eddie looks so fucking small in the hallway. Sweatpants and hoodie, hair a mess, his eyes red. Buck’s heart breaks and for the fiftieth time, wishes he could take Eddie’s pain away. "I keep saying the wrong things.”

"Chris just lost his mother," Buck says softly, with as much kindness as he can. "I don't think anything you say will be right."

Eddie opens his mouth, closes it. Something in him seems to break. "I don't know what I'm doing, Buck."

Before Eddie can fall, Buck catches him, hauls him into a hug. Eddie sobs, face buried in Buck's shoulder. Buck cradles the back of his head, careful and soft, and he closes his eyes. "I know, Eddie. I know."

They stand like that for a few moments, Eddie crying, Buck whispering soft words into his hair. Eventually, Eddie starts to pull away, but Buck holds him, shakes his head. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

Eddie stiffens beneath his hands. “Buck—”

“Eddie,” Buck says, and pulls back. “I’m your best friend. I’m never going to judge you.” 

Looking sceptical, Eddie shrugs. He doesn’t seem to know what to say, so Buck follows him deeper into the house. It’s a mess; takeout boxes on the table, clothes piling up on the armchair, and dirty dishes in the sink. Again, Buck can see a flush rising on the back of Eddie’s neck and he sighs, steps into Eddie’s space. Eddie’s got his back to him, but Buck puts his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, squeezes gently. 

“I already said you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

Eddie’s head drops forward as he braces himself against the counter. “I managed fine before she came back. Since she—I’ve forgotten how to function.”

There’s a retort on the tip of Buck’s tongue, but he fights it down, turns Eddie around. “Look at me.” When Eddie lifts his eyes, Buck rests a hand on his neck. “You’re grieving. Losing someone you love hurts, Eddie, and it never stops. But you learn how to live with it.”

“It’s not the same,” Eddie says. 

“I know.” Buck’s not stupid. There’s every chance he’ll run into Abby again, but Eddie’s never gonna have that chance. “That doesn’t make it not true. Bobby hurts every day, and he’s the bravest guy I know.”

Eddie swallows, eyes searching Buck’s face. 

Deciding to give him a break, Buck hands over his phone. “Order whatever food you want. I’m gonna talk to Chris, alright?”

“Whatever he says—”

“I won’t take it personally,” Buck assures him. “Order food.”

It breaks Buck’s heart to leave Eddie standing in the kitchen, still looking too small, barefoot and sad, but he needs to see Chris. Knocking on his door, he hears a small voice from inside telling him to go away. 

“It’s Buck,” he says quietly. “If you want me to go, I will. I just wanted to check on you, buddy, alright?”

Silence. Then, “come in.”

Chris is curled up on bed, glasses off, fisting his comforter close. 

“Oh, Chris,” Buck says, kneeling beside the bed. He hesitates, hand a fraction from Chris’ head. He’s startled when Chris lunges up, throwing himself into Buck’s arms. Buck catches him, holds him tight. “I’m so sorry.”

It’s devastating; Chris cries harder than Eddie, full sobs, and Buck rocks him through it, nose brushing against his temple.

“I’ve got you, buddy.” 

“I miss Mommy,” Chris whispers. 

“I know,” Buck says, kissing Chris’ head. “I know you do. I promise I’m gonna be here, alright? For you and your dad.”

Chris slumps and Buck stands, bearing Chris’ weight a little better, and he rocks forward, back, cradling Chris’ head the same way he did Eddie. “Promise?”

Buck closes his eyes, sends a silent prayer to whoever’s listening that he won’t break it. “I promise.”

When he turns, Chris still in his arms, Eddie’s standing in the doorway, a wrecked look on his face. Buck worries about both of them, the sadness filling the house like an oppressive weight. He walks forward, pauses enough to touch his forehead to Eddie’s. Eddie sucks in a breath, hand resting on Buck’s hip. “Thanks for being here.”

Chris nods. “Thank you, Bucky.”

“I’ve got you,” Buck promises, wrapping an arm around Eddie until they’re huddled in the doorway of Chris’ room, a tangle of limbs. 

Later, when Chris is sleeping fitfully, Buck bullies Eddie down the hall to the bedroom. 

“I can take care of myself,” Eddie says, some of his fight coming back, bleeding into his voice. 

Buck shrugs, unrepentant. “It doesn’t cost anything to lean on someone else.”

“Like you?” Eddie snaps. 

“Yes,” Buck says, jaw tight. At Eddie’s fiery look, the way his hands are clenching, Buck holds his hands palm out. “You can get mad all you like, but I’m not leaving.”

There’s a catch in Eddie’s breath. 

“Eddie,” Buck says, realising just where this anger is coming from. “I’m right here. I’m not leaving.”

Silence falls, a face off, but Buck knows Eddie; 

“Buck,” he says, a plea in his face. “Stay.”

“I will,” Buck promises. 

“Stay,” Eddie says again, and he steps closer, into Buck’s waiting arms. “Stay.”

Buck holds tight. “I will, Eddie. I’m here.”


End file.
